there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
are you so shy because you have an std?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
