Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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