Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
