you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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