Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
