tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
