I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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