so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
