You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
