i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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