I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
