i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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