I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster