I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
