why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't deserve a penis
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The power of my boobs compel you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
