I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
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Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet