Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We are two peas in an std pod
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs