so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.