My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
