My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
