i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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