$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
