Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
