wanna go halves on a baby?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
