It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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