Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
