So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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