I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
50% drunk capacity currently
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
