Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
