woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
