We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
