I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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