we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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