Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
