So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
