you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
