If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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