Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
