Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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