I want to stick my p in your. b.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
