A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
