i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
