FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
