So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
