Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
