She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
