i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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