he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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