my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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