I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's blow job season.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
