Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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