I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
