i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
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Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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