if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
