3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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