When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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