A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We had sex on a dog bed..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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