Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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