I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
