I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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