people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
