I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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