Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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