and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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