Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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