I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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