Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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