Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
