walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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