the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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