Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
