U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
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Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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